Stumbling in the dark…. gracefully.

I am always amazed at the amount of pressure moms will put on themselves. We are a tired breed who work badly without coffee (and sometimes a stiff drink), and we are so quick to tell ourselves how much we are sucking, but when we see our friend do it to themselves, we’re all like, “Oh babe, you can’t do it all, why don’t you relax?”……..We give them the grace and love they need but deny ourselves the same.

The truth is all moms suck. Yes, you heard me right, we suck. We got knocked up and no one gave us driving instructions and when they did they gave us 4, each with opposing views on what will and what will not fuck up our kids for life.  Thank you mass book distributors you have created possibly one of the worst complexes ever in history, it’s called the w.t.h.a.i.d. (What in the hell am i doing) complex. It affects all woman who have borne children.

When I first decided to have a child, I had it planned out, even the conception part. I think the plan looked something like this..

1. Wear naughty nighty and have sex with husband, at exactly 8:45 pm, conceive child

2. Birth child in hospital with no yelling (that’s for sissy’s), have beautiful music and look at husband lovingly and say “We did it honey! Look what a beautiful creature we’ve made!”

3. Go home and rock baby to sleep where he or she will sleep blissfully, while the cricket chirp and the sun  sinks slowly in the west.

4. Raise perfect children.

Okay, I was a little less sure about the how’s of raising children. I mean come on, the first night back from the hospital that little girl wouldn’t stop screaming and crying, I did all the ‘mommy tricks’ and nothing….There was a fairy who was supposed to sprinkle motherly wisdom on my head, and she did not show.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I had post partum depression. I simply can’t explain to you, how much of a dark place I was in. On top of not knowing how to be a mother, I was severely sad. Hattie would cry and I would just stare at her, not knowing how to console her, nor at times did I want to.

I think We feel when we have children that we have all the answers and then the reality hits and we are stuck trying to remember all those solutions we thought we had.

In today’s society, not only are you supposed to be a mom, but you are also supposed to work, know how to crochet, make pottery, be the head Capitan on your kids little league team, look beautiful, have a six pack (abs) and still make home made meals every single night. I’m pretty sure being a  sex goddess is in there too….

Admittedly, I do try to be all of the things listed above, well except for baseball, I know nothing about sports and watch football only for those parties with food and for Drew Breeze (Geaux Saints!). I think we assume that when we have children, all will be made clear and that is simply not the truth. All these parenting books have good advice but that’s just it, it’s advice. Its not an absolute solution. You have to find what works for you and your children. I see so much frustration from parents when they see something working for other parents that isn’t working for them. They feel like they’ve done something wrong, not true.

Listen here, we are all blind going into this thing. We have lofty ideas that are soon crushed and stampeded upon by the biggest elephant you can imagine and we are left with raw reality. Which is its own beauty, because there we can start to form and mold our little families and make them unique. What works for one family may not work for another. I believe, flexibility is the key. And carpet stain removers as well as a nice sturdy washer. Red wine. Big Glass.

It is good to know we aren’t perfect and no one will remind you of that faster than your own spawn. On a daily I am reminded of all the things I am doing wrong, without my children saying a word. I used to believe I was a wonderful person, now, I know I am still sorta wonderful but I am EXTREMELY flawed. I am thankful because it gives me something to work on, I want to be the best I can and when I am not, I want to try again.

I am not one to say “my dear friend”, but in this case, this lady deserves it so….My dear friend Terri Rousey, gave me the best parenting advice ever. On a little card she wrote and I will paraphrase, “Do what you know is right to do, and when you don’t know what’s right, do the best you can”. I think most of the time I’m doing the best I can. I don’t always know what’s right, there are a lot of grey lines in parenting, and of course there are a fair share of parents who are judgmental people who look at you as if you were a 8 legged baboon with purple hair. Block those haters out, and do the best you can. Trust yourself and when you feel that fails, just remember,There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them. Tom Krauss…unless of course you give your child crack or meth, THAT’s a definite failure, sorry, gotta draw the line somewhere.

 It’s not always easy, in fact it’s hard as shit and we often suck at it and yes our children will probably be scarred by some of our actions. We will let them and ourselves down. But you aren’t the only one, we are all in this thing.

 So, Welcome graceful stumbler, to the blind leading the blind.


2 thoughts on “Stumbling in the dark…. gracefully.

  1. That Rousey lady sounds like she raised some good kids! From what I have seen over the years, the best parents admit that they didn’t have everything figured out, they admit their mistakes to their children and do better next time, and they are flexible – especially with multiple children have different personalities. *Gasp!* what a concept. These are the parents that have lasting relationships with their children.

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