Our lives are full of options. The regular kind, to wear the red shirt or to wear the black one. Should I put my hair up or leave it long?These are your every day, mundane options. Then there are life decisions, starting at a young age. Will it be college or traveling? Should I take out a loan or work a year busing tables to get the money I need? At some point we have to step back, examine the facts and decide which way we will turn.
And here, is where I look at all the options I have weighed in my life. Every choice I make creates my future and alters the existence of people and situations in my life. I have made decisions in my life that were both ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ options, or at least that is how I viewed them. They weren’t just choices, they had categories, the one with the most peril involved and the one that in my mind was a turbulence free road. It’s odd what we consider to be ‘safe’. When I had the choice of College, I took it. I went to the campus, talked to the teachers, got lost while navigating the place and talked to counselors there. But then, the reality of being in a class of students my age and being so far away from home in this setting, began to mess with my mind. So when the other option of traveling to Thailand came up, I jumped in head first. It was the safer option for me. I was used to traveling, I spent my entire childhood doing so, both in the US and outside of it. I was never around kids my own age, except for about 2 weeks in the summer, so I was used to spending time with people who were older. Most of my friends growing up were at least 4 years my senior. Kids my own age seemed foreign and odd. So traveling was the ‘safe’ option to me. I do not regret that choice, only the reasons behind it. After all regreting the choice does not give me growth, but recognising the reasons I made certain decisions, has.
I have made ‘safe’ decisions, for fear of being uncomfortable or feeling like the odd man out. How many of these decisions were to my detriment instead of my success? A few years back i decided I would wiegh everything without my emotion. Emotions have their place in life, but sometimes the choice you must make odesn’t leave you with a good feeling. Choices must be made in the brain first and then the heart must follow in my opinion, not the other way around. We are fed, ‘If it feels good, do it’ , maybe not in so many words and maybe not spoken at all, but shown. The word ‘Love’ today is a ball wrapped in feelings and orgasms and disney-like expectation and I believe this is why marriages fail sometimes. Love should be a choice, not an emotion you feel when you see your loved one snoring, mouth agape and accentuating each inhalation with a fart. This is just an example of my point. Not everything, every choice can be based on emotion or how it makes you feel.
Now, if something scares me,I am far more prone to do my best to face it and purpously put myself infront of that bus. It doesn’t always work out but It has helped me make better decisions and I hope become a better person. Hopefully it will help my children make better decisions as they grow up and have to embrace this life.
Emotions have caused me to live ‘safely’. Don’t get me wrong, emotions have their place! I find though, I operate a bit better considering them last instead of first. I do not want the option that is ‘safe’.
I have one life, one life. I am choosing everyday to live it, despite it’s unsafe appearance.