Who knows why we react the way we do to death. Whether it be the loss of a loved pet, a friend or just an acquaintance. Sometimes, your reaction puzzles you. Why am I reacting this way?
An acquaintance of ours was killed yesterday afternoon, while at work. It was a senseless accident or perhaps it was purposeful, and the fact that I can’t seem to side with one or the other is what bothers me.
I didn’t know this man well, and for the sake of being sensitive to the loved ones of his, we’ll call him Jake. Jake worked with my husband and my brother, tattooing. He was kind to me and seemed to be a family man, taking care of his mother and putting two kids through school. He wasn’t always a friendly person but he did a lot of good around him. But that is just my perception. I didn’t really know him.
The circumstances surrounding his death are so confusing. I don’t want to go into the details, again out of respect for his memory and his family and friends. His death was public and, sadly, observed by a customer and his apprentice. It appears to have been accidental but then the open question of why when looking at the facts of what was happening at the moment, well lets say it’s the why that haunts the thoughts. It just makes no sense.
That’s what my husband and I keep going back to, it makes no sense. It’s much easier to accept someones dying when it’s clear-cut, but when it leaves questions, there’s a part of you that keeps going over the details, hoping that there is something that would give you an answer.
I, nor my husband or brother were close to this man but the one thing we all keep saying is, it doesn’t make sense and it’s just so weird. I can’t imagine being a close friend or relative. The questions would seem too painful and only a reminder of what’s happened. I wish the best for his friends, family and loved ones as they push forward, I wish them peace.
Who knows why the death of someone who you barely knew affects you more than you would have thought. Maybe it’s the unknown, maybe it’s the thought of him getting up that morning not knowing his time had come, or maybe he did know. And perhaps it’s just that I am older each day and with each days passing I come closer to death, be that tonight, tomorrow or 40 years from now. Who knows when.
Life really is a game of craps, you hope you roll the right dice and that you at the very least are able to live to a nice old age, having lived a full and worthy life.
Here’s hoping you (and I) can do this, and not get hit by a bus full of driving circus baboons tomorrow morning.