Where to start, without boring you all to death.
I have been away from this blog for a few months or more, with a couple of posts here and there. Writing, my first love, sadly goes to the wayside when there are more pressing and better paying matters to give attention to. For instance, we now own a business here in town with two of our good friends. Then there has been company, the holidays coming up and oh yeah, my daughters surgery.
For those of you familiar with my little lady, Hattie is doing wonderful and has completely knocked this shit out of the park. I have never seen such a determined girl in my life. For those of you unfamiliar, my daughter just underwent back surgery for severe scoliosis. She is handling the no bending, twisting, lifting,running,jumping and no to everything else that makes being an eleven year old fun rule, splendidly. I have a caught a few twists here and there but other than that she is handing this with a grace I myself am not sure I could muster.
So back to blog-o-sphere I come. Going through this surgery with my daughter has made me reflect on what kind of parent I am and how far from my goal I sit. While she was in surgery and between the conversations with my mom who came with to help me and support the both of us, I realised that I was not the parent I wanted to be. We all fail and strive to be the best and sometimes it takes a little bit of drama to wake us from our parent coma. I haven’t spent the time with my children showing them things, so much as instructing them. Big difference. As a home-schooler, whose very foundation in school is based on less instruction and more showing, explaining and experiencing, that’s pretty damn sad my friends. So now, I re-focus.
This time gave my husband and I time to think. Dale had to stay back here in town while I went o Chicago for the surgery. He stayed for a couple of reasons, the most important being our 4-year-old son. We felt it was better to give him the stability of a parent with him and we also agreed that he didn’t need to be at the hospital during all this.
And it’s strange folks ( I was always told never to start a sentence with ‘and’. Fuck it)…we both reflected on where we wanted to be as parents, without ever communicating it to the other until I was home from Chi-town. It wasn’t just our role as parents but also our role as human beings we pondered. I haven’t painted in years. Why? I honestly am not sure. I guess I became distracted by meaningless and petty bullshit. I also haven’t written a song in ages, when about 6 years ago, I wrote 4 in one year. They aren’t number one hits by all mean but at least I was doing something to help me “work out my salvation daily”, as biblical figure Paul would have said.
To me, it all comes down to distractions. The things that are truly important to us, even something as important as our children, we willingly lay on the back-burner while we do whatever it is we do. My children, my art and my well-being should not ever be found simmering uselessly on the back of life’s stove. The last line was a little to “chicken soup for the soul”, I apologize, please rephrase as you wish.
And it seems I have let loose all that I wished to say and yet again, if you have followed me for any length of time, I am at the end with no good flowing way to tie it all up. Welcome again, dear reader, to my abrupt endings.