I looked at a house this morning. I walked through it and made mental notes of things I would change and walls I would knock out and areas where new walls would be built. My tongue however, was tied. I couldn’t even ask commonsense questions. Thank god for my two friends Ed and Matt who knew what to ask and say.
I came home and felt as I have felt after every house I have ever looked into buying, nervous. Antsy. Anxious. Abandon Ship! Abandon Ship!
I, most of my life, have traveled. Before I was six I lived in New England, Florida (2 different cities), Indiana and Illinois. I stayed in Illinois 6 years when we moved to texas where we branched out and traveled the States, then onto Mexico, London and Israel. We finally settled in New Orleans the year I turned 14, traveling a couple of times a year to Illinois. When I was 16 I went to Florida on my own to school and then traveled to Thailand for a month and then around the states for another month. I came back to Nola got married, had a daughter a year later and then moved to Illinois, back to Nola, to Florida, to Virginia, to Illinois again, to South Carolina, back to New Orleans and now back to Illinois.
As you can see, traveling is very much a part of me.The idea of owning something makes feel chained, though I know mentally it would help me establish roots for my kids and it would give me opportunities to provide better for my them and in time it would allow me to travel, but from a home base, giving me a place to always come “home” to. Not to mention the relief of my friends who though mostly do not understand, still love and want the best for us.
I don’t know if we’ll buy this house but we are looking at it a second time. Yes, I am a bit excited and yes, that excitement is mixed with nausea. I suppose it might be equated to getting married, though I never felt that way when I married my husband. It was eerily natural.
My hope is this, with time the 8 month itch I get every time I am somewhere more than 8 months, will soon fade,disappear and that laying roots will feel as natural as my choice to marry my lovely husband.
Until then I will still my feet and look forward.